2026 Red Sox Eulogy

 

"And just like that the Bronx Zoo is Bronx Zooing" - color commentary clown Anthony Rizzo, after Ben Rice's grand slam in Game 1, calling Yankee Stadium the Bronx Zoo for the 500th time of the night... we get it Rizzo

And just like that the Red Sox get booted from the playoffs by the Bronx Bombers in embarrassing fashion. The second year in a row, not even able to take a game in NYC this time.

I'd be more mad at the team if I truly believed in them as legit World Series contenders. But this is all they ever were meant to be. A decent Wild Card team with a punchers chance at a run. Relying on hope that they'd go on a hot streak come October. Instead their offensive woes from September snuff them out before they could even get to the hallowed playoff month.

Once again the majority of the Red Sox faithful's anger is directed at its ownership group. And the analytic dorks who run the team. Sure, the bats went completely cold these two Wild Card games. But that's what happens when you construct a team like this. With no serious sluggers in the lineup. No guys who could hit for average. Only one guy hit 80+ RBIs on the team (Contreras), and only two everyday players hit over .250 (Rafaela and Contreras). You're playing with fire if that's what you enter the postseason with, from an offensive perspective. All the fans knew it would probably be the cause of their demise. And it was before you could even blink.

There's also the horrible managerial decisions from Chad Tracy in these two games. I like the guy and have some hope for him going forward. And I wanna chalk it up to inexperience. But every single bullpen move during this series was an unmitigated disaster. Pulling Tolle and Gray too early in each game. All because the data tells you to fear the third time around a lineup. Not trusting the in-game feel of things. Not letting your horses run. That's what the Yankees did. Schlittler through 117 pitches Game 1 for Christ's sake. It breathes hope into your players that you trust them. Instead the Sox played scared and it cost them. The bullpen fucking sucked and they have blame on their shoulders too. But again, the offense wasn't even there to begin with. It all just reeked of a roster lacking what it truly needed.

And that's what is most depressing. The fact that every Red Sox fan with half a brain knows exactly what this team needs. A couple serious hitters that strike fear into a pitcher. A few more bullpen arms. Possibly another starter to replace Gray if he goes. And if you want to go after big boy hitters, you've gotta fork over big boy dough. And we all know this ownership group has zero interest in doing that. They have private equity brain now. The parasite has infected the host. The enshitification of the Red Sox is the result. They will not overspend or overindulge in hopes that it gets them over the hump. That is heresy in their eyes now. God forbid shelling out some extra money to show your community of diehard, world-class fans that you really care. Soulless lizard people cowards.

Gone are the days when John Henry and Fenway Sports Group would throw everything they had at this team. Gone are the days when losing to the Yankees like this would eat at every exec running the show. Gone are the days when the top priority was winning titles. I want to believe that this offseason will be different. I want to believe they'll back up the Brink's truck and go sign a top FA, or trade for a stud hitter. But there's no real reason to believe FSG is going to change their business model.

This is the new Red Sox. Spend like a mid-market team, yet charge top dollar for the Fenway experience. As if the product they put out there is in the same class as the Dodgers or the Yankees. It's a sad state of affairs. They used to field teams with multiple Hall of Famers year in and year out. Multiple All Star level guys below them. And then a bunch of solid average ball players to round things out. They are a team of average ball players now. A team of Bill Muellers. No shade to Bill, the dude played his part in '04 and did what was asked of him. He'll drink for free in Boston forever. But that's the thing: what was asked of him was proportionate to what he was capable of. In the end, this exit in the Wild Card is exactly that for the 2026 Red Sox: proportionate to what the roster was capable of.

Prayers up for an organizational change this offseason. Not gonna hold my breath, but hey you never know.

See ya next year Sox. Anybody but the Yanks or Dodgers 🙏

-ZB